He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize