i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
