So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
