her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
