If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
