I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
