i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
