Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
