Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
is wine microwaveable?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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