Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My dick has a subreddit
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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