He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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