Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
