They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
