oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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