i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
