I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
