I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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