i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize