You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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