Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
