My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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