fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
