cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize