literally had 100 drinks last night.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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