You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
