i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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