Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
