I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
