Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
