this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
