First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
