I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
