Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize