upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
