Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
