apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
