The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
