So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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