If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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