yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
