i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize