I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
