Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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