The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
