you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well you can't waste a boner
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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