Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
