I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
