i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize