i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
