i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
