i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
