She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize