This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
