Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize