It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
