every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
