i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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