he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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