I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
