my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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