dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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