I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize