when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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