I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
