I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
