Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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