He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize