I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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