Betty ford says i'm here all night
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
