before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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