Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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