Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
