No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
