i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
