my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
