We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
