I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
