If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
