naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
