im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
