Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
