You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
