dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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