Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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