oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
