I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
