Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
