We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
