I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
