so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
