she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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