He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
