lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
