Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
