Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
