Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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