Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
