And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
