i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
