Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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