Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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